Overcome By Love: January 2014

I think a serious problem in our lives as Christians is that we don't see God as being relevant to us. We don't let Him into every aspect of our lives, often remaining depressed, addicted, and unhappy as a result. We see sin, depression, lies, addiction, anger and self-hate growing in our hearts and lives and we just let it grow. Why? Because no matter what we profess, we don't truly believe that God can fix it.

But we desperately need a relevant God. We need Him not only in our future but in each moment of our existence, overshadowing every sin and struggle in the depths of our heart. It is when we believe the lie that we must suppress these things or somehow face them on our own that we fall. We cannot worship an empty God who is not doing, working, moving in your life right now, redeeming something else in us. I don't know where we got the idea that we have it all figured out and we're supposed to ignore sin and temptation in our lives like it's the elephant in the room. That is when we lose sight of the Gospel.

I admit it, I still have a lot to deal with inside this heart. I still fight this old body, this unrenewed mind. I still have deep-seated insecurities that I didn't even realize were still in there. But I am weary from holding onto things that are killing me slowly. I am tired of holding onto unforgiveness, the things I have hated secretly about myself in the depths of my heart. I am tired of the secret sin I carry around. I am tired of being an opinion-less body walking around without ever feeling His redemptive power in me. For I realize that I need to know that He is with me now, or I shall die. I need redemption from me.

So I give it all to Him, knowing He will remove it from me as far as the East is from the West. He died so that I may be free, this day and the next unto eternity. If He is the God of the present, than we must meet Him here, taking Him our sin and throwing it from us, lest it grow and slowly kill us, separating us from our one True Love. Paul says the inner man is, "renewed day by day." God is always ready to take whatever burden you need to unshoulder. He is the God of the now. The God of this moment. The God of the present. A relevant God.

You have broken the yoke of my burden

And the staff of my shoulder,

The rod of my oppressor.

Of your increase and peace

there will be no end.

You are a strength to the poor,

A strength to the needy

A refuge from the storm,

A shade from the heat.

You will take away the veil that is across the earth.

There is no darkness,

No death, no doubt

that Your Grace will not drown

In Light.

I will rejoice in Your salvation

from my first breath to my last,

For You have taken my filthiness

And made me clean again.

May the full knowledge of the redemption of Christ flood your heart today,

It is better to take refuge in the Lord than to trust in man. -Psalm 118:8

I claimed last time that every person, at one time or another, should intentionally put themselves in an uncomfortable situation so that their perception of the world could be changed. Well, I took my own advice, and I'll admit my perception's been a bit squashed. I have a chronic problem. I care way too much what people think of me.

I wonder if other people have this problem at this stage of their lives, or if it is only I, a natural performer, who hasn't completely outgrown the need to seek the approval of others in everything I do. Maybe it's that I like the story, the way my life sounds as it's written on paper, or rolls off the tongue or is posted on Instagram. Maybe it's that I want a life that people talk about and are inspired by. Maybe I'm just vain. But whatever the reason, it dawns on me that many things I have done in my life have been partly or solely for the sake of telling a cool story or providing a wonderful picture of my life to everyone. I never have lied and I rarely exaggerate, but as much as I try to deny it, I allow people to see the totally awesome things in my life, and then I just don't mention the other, not-so-awesome stuff.

And this is a truly awful thing, because as it creates a society where everyone wants to be something they're not. They think they have to establish and maintain a certain perception of themselves to others, to "one-up" everyone else with the places they've visited, their unique choice in music, their level of creativity, their wit or their ability to come up with strange ideas to accomplish. It creates a dissatisfaction with what one has already accomplished and worse yet, creates a void in each person that must be filled with accomplishing things for the sake of comparing stories for other's approval. It sucks the beauty out of everyday life, and eventually, leaves us with empty hearts and an empty faith.

Each man and woman, in his or her own way, hungers to see the wilds of the world, to travel the lesser-known paths, to impact humanity, to offer light in dark places and the hope of God where it seems all has been lost. Who does not want to live a courageous life and be wise and compassionate, strong in all their ways? You want to have a life that people are inspired by. You want to have moments in your life (preferably often), where you can't express the beauty present, where you are rendered speechless and moved to tears by the Presence of God and the beauty of creation and His people.

The truth is, adventure is often unglamorous. Jesus' life was pretty sweet, but was infrequently glamorous. His approval ratings with the general populace were something like 2 percent. Dirt, arguments, and the smell of fish lingered around the people he hung out with. Life with God is often gutting fish, washing dishes and wondering when you're going to get to climb a mountain already. Loving people is often unromantic and is accomplished by keeping your silence rather than saying what you'd like to. And travel? You're usually really sweaty and you miss your books at home. The truth is, that everyday stuff that you usually omit telling anyone? That's real life worth sharing. And the moments that render you speechless? Put your dang phone down and just watch them happen. Carry them in your heart. Don't live them to tell them to others, live them to live them.

I am tired. Tired of writing, talking, singing, posting about my life for other people. Tired of wasting my time talking about my stories when what I should do is listen and be with the people I'm with in the moment I'm in. I want to live and breathe and move and love people from a sincere heart. I want to explore creativity, and write and draw and create. To sit on a high mountain and talk with God like Moses did. I want to sing like King David. But I want to do these things because a deep desire is there to do it. I want to live each moment for something greater than telling stories and maintaining the perception of what people think of me. I want a life completely independent from the world's approval and completely dependent on the approval of the Most High God of the Universe.

And that's why this blog is utterly ridiculous.

All my love,

B