The Ridiculousness of Blogging

It is better to take refuge in the Lord than to trust in man. -Psalm 118:8

I claimed last time that every person, at one time or another, should intentionally put themselves in an uncomfortable situation so that their perception of the world could be changed. Well, I took my own advice, and I'll admit my perception's been a bit squashed. I have a chronic problem. I care way too much what people think of me.

I wonder if other people have this problem at this stage of their lives, or if it is only I, a natural performer, who hasn't completely outgrown the need to seek the approval of others in everything I do. Maybe it's that I like the story, the way my life sounds as it's written on paper, or rolls off the tongue or is posted on Instagram. Maybe it's that I want a life that people talk about and are inspired by. Maybe I'm just vain. But whatever the reason, it dawns on me that many things I have done in my life have been partly or solely for the sake of telling a cool story or providing a wonderful picture of my life to everyone. I never have lied and I rarely exaggerate, but as much as I try to deny it, I allow people to see the totally awesome things in my life, and then I just don't mention the other, not-so-awesome stuff. 

And this is a truly awful thing, because as it creates a society where everyone wants to be something they're not. They think they have to establish and maintain a certain perception of themselves to others, to "one-up" everyone else with the places they've visited, their unique choice in music, their level of creativity, their wit or their ability to come up with strange ideas to accomplish. It creates a dissatisfaction with what one has already accomplished and worse yet, creates a void in each person that must be filled with accomplishing things for the sake of comparing stories for other's approval. It sucks the beauty out of everyday life, and eventually, leaves us with empty hearts and an empty faith.

Each man and woman, in his or her own way, hungers to see the wilds of the world, to travel the lesser-known paths, to impact humanity, to offer light in dark places and the hope of God where it seems all has been lost. Who does not want to live a courageous life and be wise and compassionate, strong in all their ways? You want to have a life that people are inspired by. You want to have moments in your life (preferably often), where you can't express the beauty present, where you are rendered speechless and moved to tears by the Presence of God and the beauty of creation and His people.

The truth is, adventure is often unglamorous. Jesus' life was pretty sweet, but was infrequently glamorous. His approval ratings with the general populace were something like 2 percent. Dirt, arguments, and the smell of fish lingered around the people he hung out with. Life with God is often gutting fish, washing dishes and wondering when you're going to get to climb a mountain already. Loving people is often unromantic and is accomplished by keeping your silence rather than saying what you'd like to. And travel? You're usually really sweaty and you miss your books at home. The truth is, that everyday stuff that you usually omit telling anyone? That's real life worth sharing. And the moments that render you speechless? Put your dang phone down and just watch them happen. Carry them in your heart. Don't live them to tell them to others, live them to live them.

I am tired. Tired of writing, talking, singing, posting about my life for other people. Tired of wasting my time talking about my stories when what I should do is listen and be with the people I'm with in the moment I'm in. I want to live and breathe and move and love people from a sincere heart. I want to explore creativity, and write and draw and create. To sit on a high mountain and talk with God like Moses did. I want to sing like King David. But I want to do these things because a deep desire is there to do it. I want to live each moment for something greater than telling stories and maintaining the perception of what people think of me. I want a life completely independent from the world's approval and completely dependent on the approval of the Most High God of the Universe.

And that's why this blog is utterly ridiculous.

All my love,

B

A Cappa

Evening Walks

Eh, sorry to be parting ways with this girl for a while to go to work up north in the Highlands.

Harvest Time 

Christmas Evening at "Captain's Creek Paradise Point"

The Christmas Dinner Table

Sunset at Tuki Trout Farm