Sincerely, Your Single Friend

Dear dating/engaged/married friend,

I am writing you this letter to tell you a little of what my heart is feeling about the time of life that we're in...er... rather, the time if life that you're in. Please have patience with me, this isn't easy to open up about. The heart is  so tender, and mine is just adjusting to the changes that have happened lately.

Last weekend I saw one of my oldest friends walk down the aisle and pledge her love and life to the man who she will share her forever with. She was radiant, brilliant in beauty and grace. I cried (because, of COURSE it was the most moving thing to see one of my dearest friends blossom into a woman). I danced. I celebrated. I thought about all our history together. The late nights talking about our futures, the tears of broken hearts, the laughter of discovering love. And now, there I was, watching it all unfold before my very eyes... the future.

And then this morning it hit me.

All of my friends are in relationships.

I can see my mother roll her eyes and say, "Don't exaggerate, honey, not all your friends."

...Yep, pretty much every single one.

Don't worry, this isn't an embarrassing rant about being single. Because, see, I'm not really so focused on that particular aspect of this stage of life.

This is a revelation that time truly is changing for me...for both of us.

See, I'm not worried so much that I'll miss out on having a relationship. What actually puts fear in me is watching those I have grown closest to in my life move on, and not be able to understand them anymore. My fear is watching you fall in love, get married, have babies, become a wife and mother, and not be able to relate to you anymore. To grow distant not by choice, but just from life. To not be able to talk about the things we used to chatter on about all day. To not be able to offer help or advice because I just plain don't know. To feel distant. To feel different. To feel like I'm not needed anymore.

It's not a man in my life I miss, you see. It's the days when I knew I was needed by my friends. When I knew we would always relate because I knew we'd always be in the same stage of life at the same time. To feel like comrades in the thick of battle, not like an outsider standing in the sidelines while everyone else gets to play the game.

So be patient with me, my dear friend.  I know my time will come, but The times, they're a changing, and my little heart just needs some time to catch up.

Sincerely,
Your single friend.

To All The Dreamers and The Old Souls...

Some days, memories linger on the edge of my consciousness. Some are sweet like honey as they fall into my mind, and some leave a bitter taste in my mouth. Some that resurrect feelings of hope, and some that cause me to clench my fists in desperation. Some are from my past, pulling me back to a time that I would have forgotten if it weren't for the memories that are so real I can still see them now. Some are from my future, calling me forward to a time that I have never seen but somehow hunger for. Either way, I am surrounded by memories on all sides.

We all live in the present, or so we're told. We are told that this moment now, that we experience, is what is true, is what is real. We know that it is the year of 2016, that it's April now, because the lilacs bloom and the Oregon natives can finally be seen wearing their shorts.

But I must admit it... The present is not always where I am living. Sometimes, I am more present in my past or my future than in the moment I am in, the moment that is the most important. I often spend my days reveling in what was or dreaming about what's to come than I do looking at the person in front of me and really seeing them and hearing them. I know that my past has the ability to shape me, and my future has the ability to lead me, but I give them so much power over right now.

I yearn for the grace and strength to be able to live here. To be able to love fully, not remember love as it was before or as it will be. I know Love Himself calls to us from the past or future, but most of all from the beautiful and perfect Present. I have a deep-down feeling that if a generation of people can start to cultivate this type of resting into their days, than everything will change. I think real Love dwells in the Present, and that, after all, is what we are all searching for.

I love memories. They are gifts. They are truly a wonder to be able to experience. And dreaming? That's one of the greatest gifts I have ever known. But I must give this moment it's proper place. First.

To all my dreamers who love to dream,
And to my old souls who love to remember,
Know that you are free.

Love, 
B