Dear dating/engaged/married friend,
I am writing you this letter to tell you a little of what my heart is feeling about the time of life that we're in...er... rather, the time if life that you're in. Please have patience with me, this isn't easy to open up about. The heart is so tender, and mine is just adjusting to the changes that have happened lately.
Last weekend I saw one of my oldest friends walk down the aisle and pledge her love and life to the man who she will share her forever with. She was radiant, brilliant in beauty and grace. I cried (because, of COURSE it was the most moving thing to see one of my dearest friends blossom into a woman). I danced. I celebrated. I thought about all our history together. The late nights talking about our futures, the tears of broken hearts, the laughter of discovering love. And now, there I was, watching it all unfold before my very eyes... the future.
And then this morning it hit me.
All of my friends are in relationships.
I can see my mother roll her eyes and say, "Don't exaggerate, honey, not all your friends."
...Yep, pretty much every single one.
Don't worry, this isn't an embarrassing rant about being single. Because, see, I'm not really so focused on that particular aspect of this stage of life.
This is a revelation that time truly is changing for me...for both of us.
See, I'm not worried so much that I'll miss out on having a relationship. What actually puts fear in me is watching those I have grown closest to in my life move on, and not be able to understand them anymore. My fear is watching you fall in love, get married, have babies, become a wife and mother, and not be able to relate to you anymore. To grow distant not by choice, but just from life. To not be able to talk about the things we used to chatter on about all day. To not be able to offer help or advice because I just plain don't know. To feel distant. To feel different. To feel like I'm not needed anymore.
It's not a man in my life I miss, you see. It's the days when I knew I was needed by my friends. When I knew we would always relate because I knew we'd always be in the same stage of life at the same time. To feel like comrades in the thick of battle, not like an outsider standing in the sidelines while everyone else gets to play the game.
So be patient with me, my dear friend. I know my time will come, but The times, they're a changing, and my little heart just needs some time to catch up.
Sincerely,
Your single friend.
"My fear is ... not be able to relate to you anymore",
ReplyDeleteIs a reality inherent in the evolution of relationships
Relationships come and go,
Pass through our lives.
It is one of the most sad, and most difficult dynamics to appreciate.
Yes, people evolve. 20's, 30's, 40's and beyond. (I hope)
And each year they do, inherent traits become more pronounced.
Sometimes leading to divorce.
Childhood, teen years, twenty years to 90 years, we all change.
Each year, inherent proclivities that lay dormant before,
Become more likely to surface.
Our spirituality, continuing education, and support networks,
All work to ameliorate these inherent, aka almost genetic, tendencies.
For as we age, these proclivities speak more loudly,
and not nearly as pleasantly as when we were youths.
The differences become more pronounced as we define and differentiate ourselves
Through developing, educating, practicing, praying, and seeking,
To become better human beings.
And the challenge is to appreciate, respect, and learn from our differences.
Appreciating all the different ways that we never would have known of,
Were we not friends.
Whomever you find, whomever finds you,
Will be a moment when the sun and rain all happen at once.
Rainbows and Wonder, Love and Connection,
Will be there for you.
I think they are already there,
Like an egg already laid, incubating,
It will hatch in it's own time.
While you trust in the inherent goodness of All
Doors open and close, eggs hatch and new life emerges,
Your heart opens to other, new people,
Maintaining ties when ties are needed.
Our friendships ebb and flow,
An Ocean with so much life.
To be needed by your friends, and vice a versa,
Is also something that becomes more prevalent with age.
The need to be needed is such an important part of the ability to allow on's self to be Loved.
Thank you for sharing your feelings.