\\ Good Days \\

"You become. It takes a long time. That's why it doesn't happen often to people who break easily, or have sharp edges, or who have to be carefully kept. Generally, by the time you are real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out, and you get loose in the joints and very shabby. But these things don't matter at all, because once you are real, you can't be ugly, except to people who don't understand."

Becoming anything is really hard.

Sometimes my mind runs circles until I work myself into a mental frenzy. This past week has been one of learning how to rest in love and not be so intense. In my waiting on the Lord to make me what He promised, sometimes I take myself too seriously. I am not where I should be. I am not where I want to be. I should have my life more together. I should be praying right now, not wasting my life away on Instagram. Lord, I can't feel you right now as I wallow in thoughts about myself. Will I ever be able to really minister to people if I still feel these mundane days that make me feel... blah? These thoughts run circles in my head as I sit in my tractor and think of all the ways that I fall short.

And then the Lord comes to me in His gentle way, and a few tears escape my eyes when I realize that the Accuser is the one who has been speaking into my mind, telling me that I am not enough, that I do not have the ability to carry the weight of living that I want to walk in. And my Jesus, He looks at me with such love in His eyes, always speaking life over my heart and never judgement, even when I judge myself. No negative thought has ever come from Him. He has never had one negative thought about you.

Beloved, when those voices speak at you and impart guilt, don't heed them... They are from the Father of Lies, and He is speaking His native tongue. Jesus is for you, and not against you. He reminded me this week that He promised us that He would always be with us, even to the end. I believe Him, and that belief is what sustains my joy as I live life with Him, whether it's experiencing His beautiful glorious Presence really thickly, or just sitting next to him at a coffee shop and not really feeling a thing.

Have a good day today. A day full of joy, of the knowledge that you are loved and you are enough. A day of quieting your mind and hearing with your heart. A day of resting in the promise that He will finish the good work that He began in you, that His word does not return to Him void.

And know that becoming is not accomplished by doing, but just by being with Him.

All my love,


B

Just as Christ was raised from the dead by the glory of the Father, even so we also should walk in newness of life. (Rom. 6:4)

E V E R Y D A Y L I F E

Where do I start?

Can you believe it's been seven months since I stepped off a plane in Portland? Seven months. I can hardly believe it. It feels a little strange to try and summarize even a small portion of all that has happened in my little life, for the weight of life has been so rich, so sweet, and so full of beauty and love that I could not convey it even if I had a library full of books. How sweet that feeling is, to be brimming, overflowing...

I stepped off the plane grieving the loss of the family I had left behind in Sydney, my heart deeply sorrowful at what seemed to me, being pushed into the next season before I was ready.  Almost immediately, blessing was poured out on me from the moment I returned home. God brought me out of the isolation of wandering and into a family, a group of women and men I could not have asked for in my wildest dreams to do life with. They are crazily, passionately, completely sold out for my Jesus, and they challenge me and sharpen me to life a life worthy of Jesus! I thought I would come back to a lonely pioneer life, to doing life with just me and God, and to fighting stagnancy. Er... that's not exactly what happened. We've been led into some crazy situations in the past season, including praying for people at a rugby party, divine appointments at the bank and in the grocery store, and beautiful times of worship late into the night in our living room. The Lord has swept me up in the arms of family, and I have never been more full of hope.

I received a call in February that I a spot had opened up in the Linfield School of Nursing for me, and if I was to accept it, classes would start in two weeks. Needless to say, it has been my dream for as long as I can remember, and I took it. In the past 5 months, have fallen totally in love not only with the work I'll be doing, but the students I am learning with and the sick and weary, who  have moved my heart so incredibly that I feel it will be one of my callings in life to minister the heart and healing of God to those who are physically and mentally ill. It has been a challenge to submit myself to the discipline of learning, the processes of schoolwork and the humility of doing challenging things for the first time, but I have grown immensely in the process of it all, and more than just scholastically.

Other happenings include my brother joining the navy and moving to South Carolina and two of my best friends getting engaged!!!

In all of the changes that have happened this past few years, God has steadied my heart in a way I never thought possible. I have learned to love people, even my family, when it's hard, instead of running away. I have learned to rest and be still with the Lord, to surrender myself to His purposes and His promises for my life. Most of all, I have learned how to be loved by Him, which is the single most wonderful thing in all the universe, something I cannot live without. He has become what sustains me, not any good thing that I possess. I am amazed at the way His love changes people, and changes my heart to be like Him, more loving and patient and good and kind.

My heart for the mission field has only grown larger since returning. The Lord has put it on my heart to return to the foreign mission field, though right now I do not know how or when. I have been shown that wherever I go, I am sent by Him. I am learning to be a radical follower of Jesus in the dry and hungry places of the world. This time of life has been one of waiting, but when I become anxious about what lies ahead for us, the children of God, James 1 comes to mind. It has brought a lot of peace to me.

...But let patience have its perfect work, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking nothing.

I pray wherever you are, beloved, that you are full of the love of our Savior. He has become everything to me, and I pray He is everything to you as well, your peace and joy and daily bread.

All my love,

Beth

Easter picture

Visiting JJ at Great Lakes, Illinois for boot camp graduation.

Monmouth crew

4th of July Parade