I can't believe it.
It's been over three years since I've started this blog.
When I began to write, I was full of girlish insecurities, restless wanderings, pain that I never thought was curable. I wrote to process, to find out what was going on inside of my poor heart that I was completely out of touch with. I wrote to seek, look for something I knew I wanted but couldn't quite express.
I travelled to Australia because I felt the distant call to go, somehow, though I didn't know why.
I found and left the best family I've known in the eastern suburbs of Sydney.
My heart broke when I let go of that season.
I came back and have traversed many paths available to me, including music, nursing school, worship leading, and retail work (my least favorite by far).
I've moved to Portland and then back to the place I started, Monmouth.
As I write this, it is becoming apparent to me that everything will soon change again for me. The finances to continue in nursing aren't coming in, and I feel the Lord gently day that it's ok, that He has something much more incredible planned than I could ever plan for myself. Do I know what the next step is? Absolutely not. Am I worried? No. I feel His hand in my life and I trust Him, even as He shuts doors.
As if it were perfect timing, Amanda and I are leaving in 24 hours to go to Redding, CA for worship school at Bethel Church. I don't know if I will ever really come back to this place. It feels different, this time. As if my heart will forever rest in another place. Like the time is shifting, and I must be swept along with Him or be left behind. I feel as if this is the last post I will write from an old mind, as if I will be reborn, am already being reborn as I write these words.
So many things are revealing themselves in my heart. Truly, there is something great coming for those who have asked for it.
I write these words a woman. I don't know when it happened, but these pages hold the transformation from a starry eyed girl to a clear eyed woman. Not that I don't experience heartache or confusion, but I can see that even in the worst of pain, God is good, and more than that, He is in love with me. Me! Of all the crazy things to realize...
Thank you for sticking with me on this journey. I cannot wait to see where the next month will take me, and I am excited and expectant for what's to come.
